Film shows ‘Red Riding Hood’ can’t be made seriously

KIMBERLY FRENCH

AMANDA SEYFRIED (left) and Virginia Madsen in "Red Riding Hood."

If you are trying to make a movie about Red Riding Hood and target it toward the “Twilight” crowd, the 2011 “Red Riding Hood” is a slightly noble effort.
Alas, it is doomed to failure. That’s because “Red Riding Hood” is a children’s story!

No matter in what kind of scene you place “Why Grandma, what big eyes you have,” it’s just gonna sound stupid!
The wolf in this film, a sort of animated, bizarre looking creature, is really a werewolf. Yes, a werewolf in wolf’s clothing.
And it telepathically communicated with Amanda Weyfried, who plays Valerie in the film. Bet you always thought Red Riding Hood’s name was really Red, like Red Skelton. Nope, Valerie, thank you.
However, in an animated tale a few years earlier, Red’s real name is Claire.
Now Valerie (this film’s Red) lives on the edge of the woods where this nasty werewolf / wolf lived. Villagers in this sort-of storybook world regularly leave out their best livestock to be taken by the wolf.
But every few years a villager meets his or her maker at the teeth of the wolf. As the movie starts, Claire, er, I mean Valerie, learns her beloved sister is the wolf’s latest victim.
Valerie plans to run away with her true love, played by a brooding Shiloh Fernandez. Her parents want her to marry wealthy Henry, played by Max Irons.
Gary Oldman plays a minister who says he will kill the dreaded beast. In a scene stolen from “Jaws,” he proclaims a wolf captured by the villagers isn’t the killer wolf.
And the slimey Oldman character is right. Otherwise, the movie would have ended earlier and viewers could get on with their lives. Not a bad prospect, actually.
Julie Christie, who starred in the epic “Dr. Zhivago” in the 1960s, probably has the best role in this picture, as the grandmother.
Now early on we are given clues that lead us to believe Granny is actually the wolf. People who have been near the wolf discover a certain smell. That same smell can be found around Grandma.
Hmmmmm. Again I say, hmmmmmmm.
And it is the great Christie involved in the utterly stupid “what big eyes” scene, which I will tell you, is a dream sequence.
The second most ridiculous scene is the wolf speaking telepathically with big Red.
Catherine Hardwicke directed, from a story by David Johnson. I am not certain who had the idea of converting a fairytale into yet another “Twilight” clone.
I actually admired the attempt. There is just no way this would work! Who was this film targeted for? If young children, it was too gory. After all, we see Oldman and his hand and they aren’t connected.
But would teens, young adults or even boomers decide to spend $20 on tickets and another $20 on popcorn and pop for “Red Riding Hood?” Especially a movie as, well, bland and boring as this.
What next, “The Three Little Pigs The Motion Picture?”
“Hansel and Gretel on the Food Channel?”
I only watched Red, or Val, when the film made Cinemax. Heck, I’m already paying for it.
If you do decide to watch it, you might want to be doing something else at the time, like your taxes or will or while indexing your DVD’s. Make certain this movie isn’t in your collection.


RED RIDING HOOD
• Directed by Catherine Hardwicke
• Written by David Johnson
• Rated PG-13 for violence and creature terror
• Runtime: 100 minutes
• 1 star out of 4

Serious illness good for laugh

50/50


Summit Entertainment
JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT and Bryce Dallas in "50/50."


Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen play typical 20-somethings in the film “50/50.”
Rogen, of course, is once again the best friend. He plays Kyle and his work and bar buddy is Adam, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Now Adam is a bit more low-key, less flamboyant. Rogen’s character is obsessed with going to bars and picking up chicks.
It looks like another grossout movie and to some extent, it is.
But very quickly it takes a different turn. The Gordon-Levitt character has a routine doctor’s appointment where he learns from a mumbling, stumbling doctor that he has cancer.
Bryce Dallas Howard plays his girlfriend, who takes him to chemo but chooses to wait four hours in the car because she doesn’t like the whole hospital experience.
You can quickly tell the relationship is in trouble and comes to an abrupt end.  Meanwhile, Adam finds true friendship in some older men having chemo at the same time, played by the gruff but great Phillip Baker Hall and Matt Frewer.
These 60s-somethings get along well with Adam, even coaxing him into enjoying some of their pot-laced cookies. A priceless scene in the film is Adam leaving the hospital in an out-of-focus fog, high as a kite, smiling and happy as he views the misery that cancer can cause.
Anjelica Huston plays his “it’s all about me” mother and Serge Houde plays his dementia-driven dad. It’s a thankless role but Houde gives it as much dimension as it can be given.
The Rogen character truly cares for his friend, but also won’t miss a chance of scoring with a chick by taking him to a bar, getting some girls to feel sorry for him and then taking one of the girls home.
Rogen is also jealous of Adam’s doomed love affair and takes great joy in getting a picture with his camera phone of the girl kissing a Jesus-like artist at an art gallery.
A backdrop through all of this is Adam’s relationship to his soon-to-be-a-doctor therapist, played by the perky Anna Kendrick. When Adam makes a joke about “Doogie Houser,” the old TV show about a teenage doctor, she doesn’t understand. She’s too young.
But that is the relationship to watch.
The film does a nice job of doing some grossout comedy while giving us a somewhat realistic view of dealing with cancer.
The title comes from Adam looking up his particular cancer on the Internet and learning most patients have a 50-50 chance of survival.
There are many nice moments. Adam is about to have an operation that could cure or kill him. His clueless father tells him about his new sports jacket. But to Adam, he is saying his father does have an idea of what is going on and loves him.
It might be the most mature grossout film ever. Yeah, Rogen’s character goes overboard and after awhile you just want him to shut up.
And yes, Huston becomes too motherly. But you know, people can be annoying in real life.
“50 /50” works on many levels. It is worth your time.


50/50
• Directed by Jonathan Levine
• Written by Will Reiser
• Rated R for language and sexual situations
• Runtime: 100 minutes
• 3 stars out of 4